Finding Your Tribe.
We all know that term. “The One.”
It means so much to so many hopeful, aspiring, young women. It’s the guy who gives us butterflies when he calls or texts, or if you’re from the Olden Days like myself, when he sends you an instant message. It’s that feeling of the first date jitters, introducing him to your friends and finally, bringing Mr. Right home to meet your family.
Then, comes the ring…
…The wedding, the marriage, and the infamous baby carriage. The one who makes your life complete. Ahh what a beautiful feeling, and for many of us, including myself, we are extremely grateful for our “ones.” I feel confident saying I’ve married my soul mate- and I don’t use that term lightly. I fall more in love with my husband everyday.
But, lets be honest.
Once we cross the threshold into motherhood, “the one” takes on a whole different meaning. It is then that we search for our tribe, our village, our full on support system. And if you’re lucky, this comes in the form of some really, amazing, understanding, kick ass girlfriends.
It’s 4am. I’m about 25 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and I haven’t slept for the majority of the pregnancy-I’m a serious sleeper, so this is very uncommon. I jolt awake from excruciating pain in my calf. It’s a m’f’ing Charlie Horse. My husband wakes up and gives me a tip (“stand with your toes up on the wall”) which works. He falls back asleep, and I’m still recovering from what felt like a near death experience- I swear labor with #1 didn’t hurt as bad as a Charlie Horse.
So, I pick up my phone and text one of my besties…
“Hey! Sorry if this wakes you (actually, “sorry, I’m not sorry”) I just had the WORST Charlie Horse and can’t sleep. Did you have these with baby #1?” Buzz Buzz! My phone buzzes almost immediately as she replies… “I’m awake too.. had to pee. Yes! I had the worst Charlie Horses. They blow.. Have you tried…….” and the conversation continues until one of us, understandably, falls sleep for a few minutes prior to the obnoxious screeching of our alarm wakes us, to which we respond by immediately texting one another at 5 am.
THIS is what I am talking about.
Ladies, I’m talking about those friends who you can turn to at anytime, for any reason. These are the people who know more about your life than your husband (sorry, to my hubby who’s most likely reading this-but you know its true). These are the people who know your ovulation schedule, your poop schedule, your kids’ poop schedules.
These are the people who know you at your worst.
My best friend Lauren, for example…she’s been there, in the trenches for the birth of both my kids. We have no secrets, no boundaries, no lines. I owe my life to her. She introduced me to my husband. We lived together during that awkward “after college” life phase where no one really knows what the hell they’re doing. We’ve lived near each other and far apart. But, most importantly we’ve “mom’ed” together.
Our first babies are 7.5 months apart and our second babies are a mere 4 months apart. During a time in our life where we’ve never felt more amazingly in love while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed, stressed, & severely sleep deprived, we’ve been there for each other. No texts go unanswered, even though it may take some time. She is the person who I can call, and I know, without fail, that she will agree with me in some way, regardless of the ridiculousness. Still, she keeps me grounded and never lets me “act a fool.”
If you have a “tribe,” and I sure hope you do because every mom needs this, you don’t go a day without talking to one another.
If any significant times passes where you don’t hear from your people, you panic thinking something is wrong. You trust with these individuals with your heart & soul. Husband is being a jerk? You text them. Work has you in a funk? They are there with wine and Olive Garden take out, or, HUGE shout out to the incredibly blessed individuals with “tribe members” who double as coworkers (can I get a HELL YEA?!). Having a fat day? These people convince you you’re beautiful, while supporting your crash diet.
People say you know you’ve found “the one” when they make you want to be a better person. I watch my best friends with their kids, day after day. Motherhood comes so naturally them. These are the women (right up there with my own mom) who I call or text with any mothering question. I admire the confidence, positivity, and ability to always make me laugh that my girls possess. I love that they aren’t afraid to mess up and move about motherhood with such ease. Of course they have the same endless worry that we all have, but you would never know it. I receive texts saying “I don’t know how you do it #supermom” when my husband is out of town and I’m solo parenting. LIttle do they know I think they are the #supermoms for making this journey look so easy day in and day out.
So to my “sisters.”
You are the Crazy Aunts to my babies, my lifeline and the best people I know, and I couldn’t do this life without you. I admire your strength more than words can say and I am so thankful that we get to experience this rollercoaster of motherhood together, every glorious step of the way! You are my rocks… #besties #mytribe #mypeople